Baba Yetu (Swahili) - Our Father

Functional Atheism

               “Ultimately, it doesn’t matter who wins the election.  I know where my hope is – it is in God.”  “I’ve read the back of the book and we win.”

               

                These are all both great statements, aren’t they? So why am I feeling so despondent after my man didn’t win? Problem is, they’re just words; well meaning, well intentioned, very Christian words.  But I don’t really believe them.  “What??  What do you mean you don’t believe them,” you ask?  I mean, God has used this election to reveal something to me about my heart. 

               

                The Radford’s and the Tate’s gathered together at the Radford’s house on November 6^th around 8:30 pm so we could watch the election together.  We played a few games and then watched CNN for a little while before going to sleep.  The plan was to wake up around 4:00am and watch the election results unfold.  We had a lot of nervousness about the election, but also a lot of hope.  Like many others, we were very angered and upset about the direction our country had taken the last four years; abortion on the rise, homosexual marriage becoming more and more accepted, legislation being passed against the will of the majority of the people…the list could go on, and on, and on, and on, and on…well, you get the picture.  We had all done our civic duty and sent in our absentee ballots, voting for the man we believed would better get our country back on the right track - voting against the man we knew was taking our country down the wrong track. We were nervous, but hopeful.

               

                That hope quickly died.  We held on to it as long as possible – probably longer.  By 10:00am our time (2am EST) our hopes for our country were dashed, and it was obvious that our nation had made a choice – a choice to turn away from its history of freedom knit together with personal responsibility; a choice to fill their bellies with what they might be able to get from people who have more than they do; a choice to take rather than to give; a choice to take the road of economic failure and moral decline.  I felt ashamed of my country and my countrymen.

               

                The mood at the Radford’s house was somber and quiet.  Nobody felt much like conversing, and Roger and I didn’t feeling like hanging around, so the Tate’s returned home to lick their wounds.  I have struggled with despondency ever since.

                This morning, I found myself asking the same question as David, the King of Israel, asked in Psalm 42:5: “Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me?” Why do I feel like hope has died?

               

                Have you ever read the book of Habakkuk?  Habakkuk was a prophet of God who lived during very troubling times in Judah before the time of Christ.  God revealed to Habakkuk that He was going to punish Israel severely for her immorality and for turning her back on Him.  Punishment, Habakkuk could understand to a certain degree, but the total destruction of his nation that God told him would come at the hands of their worst enemies in the region, Habakkuk couldn’t fathom.  He questioned God’s integrity and faithfulness to His promises.  He questioned God’s lack of mercy.  He questioned God’s wisdom and goodness.  How, Habakkuk asked God, can you punish your people using a people who are far more ungodly than we are?  How can you decimate your people with whom you have sworn a blood covenant?  Habakkuk was confused, disquieted, despondent, and I think a little angry.  Until…God spoke to Him and showed him what it meant to live his life according to his faith in God.  Habakkuk surrendered to God’s will and embraced his true source of hope and life…God Himself.  And this was the whole point.

               

                Hope.  This, God has shown me over the last two days, is another worship word.  In thinking about spiritual adultery that we commit as Christians, I’ve often thought in terms of love, treasure, pursuit.  Questions like, “what do I love more than God,” or, “what do I put before God in my life,” or, “what would I be angry about if God took it away.” These are all typical x-ray questions for examining a heart of idolatry. Today, God showed me that my idolatry sometimes shows itself in the word HOPE.  When David asked himself the question about why his soul was cast down – why he was…depressed…despondent, his rebuke and encouragement to himself was to HOPE in God.  In other words, he was despondent because he hadn’t been hoping in God.  He’d been hoping in something else, and that something else had failed him.  My hope has often been in having the right political party in office, the right laws on the books, and the right people in Congress.  Oh, I would have said my hope was ultimately in God…but my despondency shows me otherwise, because when I ask myself David’s question…my soul, why are you cast down, the answer is instructive to where my hope is. 

               

                The day before the election, I prayed that God would put in as President whichever man would cause God’s people to pursue Him and His Kingdom.  I believe that God has answered that prayer.   If my health, wealth, and political power are stripped away from me, maybe I will see more clearly where my hope truly needs to be.  Maybe God is revealing to many of us who call on His name, that we have been misplacing our worship in ways we didn’t realize – hoping in something more than we hope in Him.  Maybe this will bring about repentance and renewed love and allegiance to something outside ourselves – something outside of our heritage – something outside of our country.  Maybe we’ve been worshipping these things and trying to hold onto them.  Maybe they have become our gods.  Maybe we need to get to the business of focusing our energies on the Kingdom of Heaven rather than the kingdom of America.

               

                Please don’t get me wrong.  I love my country; I appreciate and am thankful for the Christian heritage (yes, Christian heritage no matter what the newly written history books have to say)we have been blessed with,  and I will continue to have political opinions on her direction for the sake of her good.  But, oh, God, this is where my hope has been placed for far too long – way more than I realized.  Awaken me, Lord.  What folly it is to think that the spread of Your Kingdom depends on the state of America.  Forgive me.

                Now, nobody say to any sad American, “It’s done, get over it,” especially if you are not American.  There are a lot of ramifications to this election.  Allow us time to grieve.  Because though I do not want to worship my country, I do love my country, and I should be grieved at the path my people are taking as it is a path away from Christ.  It is a right and righteous grief.

                But let us do get on with the work of the Kingdom – yes, let us vote and work in the government and fight for justice in the political arena.  But more than that, let us hope in the Lord for the work and the growth of His Kingdom.  Let us love one another, love our neighbors, care for the widows and orphans, keep ourselves unspotted from sin – and do the work of sharing Jesus Christ and His Kingdom with all who are around us.

I'm Still Yours by Kutless

Fun at In-Step Children's Home Today

Well, after the last few rather depressing blogs, I hope that this one is more uplifting!  The children and I spent a lovely day out at In-Step Children’s Home today.  Besides the fact that anytime spent out there is precious, this was a special occasion. 

Several months ago, when Roger’s mom and dad were here visiting, they came to In-Step with me to see what I do there and to see this wonderful children’s home that I frequently talk about.  One of the things I do there is Story-Time once a month with the class 1 kids (most of the kids are about 6 years old).  The particular week they were there, one of the books I read was a children’s version of a chapter in Little House in the Big Woods called Christmas in the Big Woods.  In the story, Laura Ingalls gets a rag doll for Christmas. 

When my mother-in-law returned back to her church in the States and told the ladies there about the children at In-Step, they decided to make rag dolls for each of the boys and girls in my class.  When they were finished making them, they prayed over each one before they decided to name them (each doll got the name of the child that it would go to), and then they chose which doll would get which name.  The names were then put on the foot of the dolls.  The children at In-Step knew nothing about this….

…Until today!  I sat down with the kids and told them it was a special day because I was only going to read one story and it was one I’ve read before.  They sat attentively (which doesn’t happen every time ;-) ) and when I was finished reading the story, I told them the story of the Ladies at Calvary Baptist Church in West Branch, MI.  Then,  I opened up the box the dolls were in and called each child by name, handing him or her the doll that belonged to them. 

Reading the story, with Sherlyn (sitting to my left) translating for me.

Handing out the first doll to Sheri

It was so precious; they were so excited they giggled each time a new name was called.  Each child came to me, received their doll, thanked me, then went to get their picture taken with the doll.

The ladies even sent one extra for a boy and one extra for a girl, and that was fantastic because just this week, another 6 year old was taken in at In-Step.  Her name was Sandra.  She was so excited about her doll that she almost couldn’t wait!  This may very well be the first doll she has ever owned of her own.  This morning before I left the house, I found a fine-tip permanent marker to put her name on the doll that would be hers. 

Sheri

Rehema

Melissa K.

Brenda

Melissa I.

Rebecca

Sandra

Musa

Musa getting his doll

James

Sammy

Moses

George

Francis

Dennis

Paul

I can’t tell you the love I felt flowing from the heart of God to these children through these dolls.  I know that sounds strange, but it’s the truth.  I know they will feel it as well.

Thank you so much, ladies of Calvary Baptist Church in West Branch!!!!  You have touched the hearts of these children in ways you or I may never know and never understand.  Thank you for letting God’s love flow through you.  You made  a difference in the lives of these precious 15 children today.

After “Story-Time” I spent some time in the In-Step hospitality room with Sean and Meredith Stewart who work at In-Step.  With us was little Jason, one of In-Step’s newer little ones.  I’ll let you read about him on In-Step’s website (www.rehemaministries.com) .  I will tell you, however, that Jason is…9 months old!  He is as precious as all get-out.  He stayed with Sean and Meredith in their home here in Kitale for the first 2 weeks so that they could give him their full attention and make sure he was getting the medicines he needed and the nutrition that he needed.  I will also tell you he went from being absolutely terrified of them when they first picked him up from the Children’s department, to being one of the happiest, and most well-adjusted little guys!  He loves Sean and Meredith and smiles and talks to them and just beams when he sees them!  He’ll be “In-Step” with the other kids his age in no time with the love and care he receives from everyone at In-Step. 

Me and baby Jason

Mama Mary (Meredith) and baby Jason

One final thing – I’m adding a picture of Esther – Philip’s little sister (you might remember Philip was the little boy that stayed with us for a couple months last year).  When she went to In-Step, she couldn’t stand or walk on her own.  She was 2 years old and looked 9 months, and she was very sick.  Just look at her now!!!!

BEFORE PICTURE: Philip with Esther  

AFTER PICTURES: Esther going to play

A night and day difference from last year!

Thank you, In-Step!!!! Thank you, Carla and Jeff Picicci, and Sean and Meredith Stewart - for what you do for these little ones, and for letting me participate in a small way.  Thank you for letting me share in the joy of these beautiful children!

You can see the profiles of each of these precious ones on the In-Step Website:  www.rehemaministries.com Please go and learn each of their stories.  You'll be amazed at the way God steps into impossible situations and gives love and life and hope!  

Good News, Bad News Concerning the Car; Aug 7

Well, Roger's been in Eldoret all morning working with the KRA (Kenya Revenue Authority).  

Good news first.  Roger won't be arrested.  That was our first priority afterall.

The rest is looking like bad news.  The vehicle is almost definitely illegal.  Bummer.  That means, that the person who okay'd its import into the country was a crook and probably pocketed the duty money.  Bottom line is that the vehicle is supposed to be impounded and actually destroyed, so we're out a very large sum of money.  

It seems a law was passed in 2003 that vehicle older than 8 years old were not allowed to be imported into the country.  Ours was imported in 2007 and it is a 1991 vehicle.  Roger was told that often times, because Kenya is a coastal country, cars come into the country "in transit" to other countries like Uganda, which have no such laws.  Then criminals get them and sell them.  The first lady Roger talked to at the KRA took one look at our log book and said, "Yup, that's a fake."  She knew because they stopped issuing that kind of log book in 2006 and the date on our log book is 2007.  

At this point, I would ask you to please start praying for a vehicle for us.  And start praying for the money to buy a vehicle.  They are very, very expensive here because of import and duty taxes (which are 50 - 60% of the value of the vehicle). And even when you buy a vehicle that has already been imported, that duty is rolled over into the price you pay. Single people can get by without a vehicle here, but once you have a spouse and/or children, it gets a lot more difficult - especially with Emily at boarding school 6 hours away.  Public transportation isn't always a possibility, and there are times we have to be in Nairobi - if we use public transportation while in Nairobi, it costs us a fortune.  Also, here, to get a taxi, you often have to wait a very long time because they will tell you they are on their way, when they are 45 minutes away.  

In fact, we are supposed to take Emily back to school in just 3 weeks and we are supposed to stay in Nairobi and get some medical things taken care of as well as passport things with the Embassy.  I don’t know if that will be able to happen now.

Well, that's the news for now.  I know God is still in control.  He has a purpose; I don't' know what it is yet, but we have to trust Him.  It doesn't mean the circumstances don’t stink though. I'm reminded of a verse in the Bible, "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."  I Thessalonians 5:16-18   I am also reminded of this one, "...but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.  Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us."  Romans 5:3-5

Please pray for our attitudes.  Roger is discouraged that we're out so much money (on top of that, he had to deal with dishonest public transportation people on the way home.  If you want that story, see the PS down below).  It's not like we have money laying around to buy another 4-wheel drive vehicle.  All the money we put into that vehicle is just...gone.  POOF.  And I'm a little angry at the moment on a couple of different fronts, one being the corruption that allowed this to happen.  Pray that we continue to entrust ourselves to God, who judges rightly.  He knows that we are victims in this whole situation.  He sees.  He will supply our need - maybe not by our definition of need, but by His, and His is the correct one.  

If anything changes, I'll let you know.

In the mean-time, thanks for all your prayers!!!!

In Christ - Held by His Grip (so glad its not dependent on my grip!)

Julie

P.S.  So, Roger just got home and told me a heart-warming story of corruption on a much lower level.  Roger used public transportation to get to Eldoret and back today.  It costs 200/=  (that’s 200 Kenyan shillings).  On the way back, he sat down on the shuttle and when the lady came by to give him his riding ticket, it was a fake ticket that said 300/= on it.  Roger gave it back to her and told her she was a thief for trying to steal from the white people (that’s what they call us, by the way).  He told her that he’d ridden this shuttle 5 times in the last 3 weeks and he knew exactly how much it should cost.  She denied trying to steal from him and blamed it on another guy who had written the ticket.  She went away and then returned with the proper, official ticket with the correct price on it.  She even told him it was an official ticket.  So, Roger pointed out to her that she knew the other ticket was fake, and so that made her a thief as well.  He asked her if she was a Christian, to which she answered, “yes.”  He then asked her if she knew what the Bible says about stealing.  At that point she started pretending to not understand his English, and another Kenyan man standing there said, “I don’t think she understands you.”  So, Roger said, “Oh, you don’t understand my English, well then,  I’ll speak in Kiswahili,” which he proceeded to do much to her surprise.  She turned and walked away at that point.  So, this is just a taste of what we live with day in and day out, and it is why we really need your prayers – prayers for love and patience in our hearts.

Another Vehicle Situation Update...Aug 6

Just a quick update here for those of you who are following our car situation:

Over the weekend, I talked with a friend of mine here who strongly recommended that Roger contact the US Embassy in Nairobi to let them know what was going on and to get advice from them.  It seems they have departments that are there for this very purpose – to help American citizens who find themselves in questionable situations like this.  We found out some very interesting things.  First of all, they told us to under no circumstance turn our vehicle over to the CID (Criminal Investigation Department) rather, they are supposed to be helping us investigate the problem and fix the problem.  Second, we have been advised that they cannot impound the vehicle unless it is proven to be illegal.  In our case, there is nothing yet that proves our vehicle is the one with the problem.  It might be, but we don’t have (and they don’t have) proof of that yet.  If there are two log books, and two license plates, we need an investigation done to see which one is legitimate.  No vehicle has been reported stole, no license plate has been reported stolen – it’s possible the other guy could have died or the car could have been totaled at some point and isn’t even in existence anymore.  Anyway, more investigation needs to be done before anyone can know for sure whether or not our car is illegal. The embassy gave us some things to say to the CID and some things to ask them to do for us.  Obviously, if we find the car has been registered illegally (which would actually mean it’s not registered at all), then we need to make the car legal and we don’t know yet if they will impound it during the time we’re trying to work it out.  We should find out more about that tomorrow after Roger goes to Eldoret again – IF it turns out the vehicle is not legal.

So, next time Roger goes in to talk with the CID, he’ll probably take our new lawyer with us, and this information from the Embassy, so the CID will know we’ve been in communication with our Embassy. 

We also found out something else interesting.  The police are not supposed to arrest an American citizen without proof of a crime.  The lady Roger spoke with at the Embassy today said that a lot of times, the police will arrest an American citizen for supposedly speeding.  For those of you who have kept up with our blog, that will sound familiar J    She even mentioned the town Roger was arrested in for just that very thing (he wasn’t speeding, by the way).  If that happens, the American citizen is supposed to call the Embassy immediately.  The Embassy will call the head of the police station and say, “Uh, what are you doing…?”  and the police station will say, “Just a moment please.”  Then they will come back on the phone a few minutes later and say, “That person has been released,” and the Embassy will say, “Thank you very much.”  Too bad we didn’t know that before!  But we know it now.

So, please continue to pray for our situation.

On a lighter note…we’ve been borrowing a car from some friends of mine.  It is a very small, white, hard-top Jeep kind of vehicle with two doors.  Before I tell you the funny, let me say how extremely thankful we are for this vehicle.  Without it, we’d really be hurting.  Because of its size and color, our friends affectionately call it “The Marshmallow,” so that is what we also call it.  Two more pieces of background information on The Marshmallow – it has no shocks.  I mean – ZERO.  Nothing.  Nada.  Imagine 4-wheeling in the mud over very bumpy roads – washboard roads with 2 foot deep gorges running through them in places – in a small Jeep like thing with no shocks.  BUT…it has a high ceiling on the inside.  Okay, so our family went to town to eat dinner tonight and when the kids (all 3 of them) started piling into the back of the car to go home Josiah said, “You know one of the good things about this car?  When Mom is driving and she misses a speed bump, we won’t hit our heads on the ceiling of the car!”  All three children burst out laughing. Thanks, guys, for that vote of confidence.  Yes, that has happened – he speaks from experience J.

Vehicle Situation Update - August 3

Well,  today could have been worse.  In short, my husband came home and the car is still on our compound.    So, we're thankful for that today.

It sure does look like what happened is the following:  One or the other (or both) of the Kenyan officials who imported the vehicle for the previous owner were corrupt.  In Kenya, all cars are imported, and there are laws you have to follow and also certain criteria for the cars that are imported.  When you have a car imported, you have to pay duty on the car (which normally is half or more of the value of the car).  Once you pay the duty, you get the license plate which is registered to you and to the car (by way of make/model/year of manufacture and also the chassis number one the car (not sure if I spelled that correctly).  It is very possible that, though the previous owner paid the duty, one or both of the Kenyan officials pocketed the money and falsified the license plate and the log book (the official paperwork you get when you own the car).  If this is indeed the situation, then our vehicle is an unregistered vehicle and thus - illegal.

Roger went to see the lawyer this morning, then took a friend with him to the police station.  The police were not happy that he hadn't brought the car, but they have to issue a summons to legally take the car; they can't just force him to bring it.  And since they hadn't done that, there was only so much they could say.  They accused him of going back on his word and said that he'd promised to bring the car in today.  Roger reminded him that he expressly said he would NOT bring the car in today and that he won't bring it in next time either (more of that later).  After about 1/2 hour of talking, Roger and his friend got them to admit that it is possible the problem is with the other car - that its the one that is illegal, or, that there was an administrative problem in the filing of the paper work.  Once they admitted that possibility, they had to give Roger time to do some more investigating, but then they quickly back-tracked and wouldn't talk about those possibilities anymore, even to the point saying they didn't want to talk about that.

Bottom line at this point is that Roger is going back to Eldoret next Wednesday to have the chassis number on our car investigated and to see if that chassis number is registered, or to see if there is any vehicle registered to the former owner of our car.  If there is, then we're in a better situation.  If not, then our car will be taken and we have been driving an illegal car. Roger has to return to the police station next Thursday to tell them what he found and show them any new paperwork that he gets.   I looked in the Kenyan traffic law, and I don't see any place it says Roger can be jailed.  It just says the police can seize the car.  But that may not be definitive.  Worst case scenario would be that our car is seized and Roger goes to jail.  Next is that Roger doesn't go to jail, but the car is seized and we have to buy a new vehicle (extremely expensive).  Next is that we can get the car legally registered, which means we have to pay the impounding fees (daily, about $120.00) and then we have to pay the duty - half the value of the vehicle, which could be up to $10,000.00. Best case scenario is that there was an administrative error.  I'm not saying its not possible, but given the circumstances, I'm not holding my breath on that one.

So, that's where things stand as of now.  I'll know more after next Wednesday when Roger goes to Eldoret. Meanwhile, we can't drive the car at all, but there is a car we can borrow when needed - for the most part.

Please continue to pray - for our attitudes as well as the situation.  We and the former owner (who's name is still legally on the registration) are the victim's in this situation that was caused by government corruption, but it is we who will bear the brunt of the consequences, and human beings that we are, its easy to play the blame game rather than just deal with the situation at hand and recognize the HAND of our loving Father who is in control and allowed us to be caught up in this.  It is this we must focus on and then deal with the situation in a way that honors Him.

In Christ - Held in His Grip
Julie

Vehicle Situation Update...

Just a quick update...
We have a Kenyan friend who knows one of the best lawyers in Kitale (we've heard this about this particular lawyer from a couple of sources).  Roger has an appointment with him around 8:00am to meet and talk before going to the police station.  Roger has already decided not to take the car, his rings, his i-phone, or anything else valuable.  We've been assured that jail won't be likely (praise God, I hope they're correct), but they also shouldn't impound the car without further investigation.  Doesn't mean they won't try - they already told Roger on the phone that the car would be impounded.  Roger is - not unreasonable - stressed, but is trusting God with the situation.  He's taking a friend with him to the station - and also, our Kenyan friend is meeting the lawyer with him.  I am strangely at peace (or maybe not so strangely?  I recall something about peace that passes understanding...) over the whole thing, even thinking about more serious outcomes.  God's got this and He has a purpose for it all, and it is a purpose for our good and His glory.  I can't think of a better reason for allowing it.  Our enemy may intend it for evil, but God intends it for good.  Please continue praying for us that we will rest in the One who alone is our Hope and that we would be ministers of the Gospel of Peace.

Urgent Prayer Requested in our Vehicle Situation

Well, I would normally put this on my prayer request page, but its rather urgent, so I'm just putting it here.  We need lots of prayer concerning our car situation.  The CID (Criminal Investigation Department) in Kitale is harassing Roger.  If you don't know about our situation, we have recently found out that the license plate on our car is registered to a different person and a different vehicle.  This has been the plate on the car ever since it was imported by another missionary several years ago, and the Kenya Tax Revenue helped to import the car.  The guy that authorized the license plate is some police authority dude in Nairobi.  We don't know if the plate is actually illegal (in which case, the police guy that got the plate is corrupt) or if there is an administration error in the paper work, but Roger has been having it investigated this week.  We are working with the guy who got the plate in the first place, to try to find out what is going on, but this is not good enough for the CID.  Roger is supposed to take the car in tomorrow and it will be impounded - we will have to pay about 10,000 Kenyan Shillings every day it is impounded.  This is about $119.00 per day.  We are also a bit afraid that they will arrest Roger at that time.  Please, please pray for this situation.  You've never seen a Kenyan jail - it's not like in the States.

Roger is still in touch with our guy in Nairobi trying to figure it all out.  It is true that we wrestle not with flesh and blood, but with powers and principalities, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. This is why we ask for your prayers.  God is not out of control, no matter the outcome - or the process of getting to the outcome - of this situation.  Please - I do wish you to pray for a resolution that doesn't a) cost us a fortune, or b) land Roger in jail, but I also ask you to pray for us spiritually - that we not become discouraged, that we not loose hope, that we not loose sight of the fact that God is in control and that He works all things together for good to those who love Him, that we put on the full armor of God - including the Gospel of PEACE - that we are good ambassadors for Christ during this time, that we trust Fully in Him, and that all will work out to the furtherance of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Pray that the peace of God would rule in our hearts - even as we have contact with those who would not pursue peace with us.  These (as difficult as it is to say at the moment) are much more important and eternal factors of this situation in which we find ourselves.  But we desperately need GRACE in which to stand.  It is available to us.  We need to grasp it and trust it rather than trusting in ourselves - either in our own physical resources or in our own emotional resources.  I will keep you posted.  Thank you.

All About Me

Well, this is really supposed to be in the "All About Me" section of my profile, but it's too long.  Shocker.  Anyone who knows me knows I tend toward loquaciousness.  Summarize? Me?  Anyway, it was too long, so....tada!  It's here (It's 2:30am and I have insomnia from typhoid, brucellosis, and the anti-biotics.  I'm a bit punchy).

The first thing you should know about me is that I am first and foremost a Christian;  then, I am a wife and mother.  This is an important distinction because in the first statement lies my identity – the core of who I am is what God has made me in Christ.  Period. 

The second thing you should know is that – as Jo March said in Little Women – "I am hopelessly flawed…"  I'm much too serious for my own good, I'm quite sensitive to smells and noise, I'm a picky eater,  I don't like change (nor does it like me), I'm a bit lazy (yes, I was the spoiled baby of the family :-) ), I'm not very good at staying organized, I worry too much, and I'm rather opinionated – although I've learned to temper my opinions with grace (my family laughs as they remember my recent and very vocal assertion that "Romney's a Snake!" shouted from my dining room in the direction of my father-in-law).  Okay, mostly tempered with grace. 

All of the above doesn't make a fantastic recipe for a missionary's wife, but it does make an ideal recipe for God's grace.  It also doesn't make the best home school mom, but somehow (probably God's grace at work again) Emily's turned out okay so far. :-)

My family and I moved to Kenya, East Africa in 2008 where my husband does evangelism, discipleship, and church planting work with his partner, Nathan Radford.  Though Roger teaches math to our kids, I do the rest of their schooling – Emily, however, goes to Rift Valley Academy – a missionary boarding school 6 hours away from us; she will graduate from there in July of 2013.  I also do some volunteer work once a month at In-Step Children's Home about 30 minutes from our home and teach Kiswahili to a few missionaries here.

Roger and I have been married 20 years.  Actually, he proposed for the first time when I was 7 and he was 9.  I said yes.  He proposed again when I was 18 and he was 20.  I said yes.  He proposed then – with a ring and on one knee – when I was 19 and he was 21.  I said yes. I’m still deeply in love with him. :-)  We have 3 children here on earth, and one in Heaven (Emily 17, Amy 12, Josiah 10, and Nathaniel would have been 13 this August).

I love reading, writing, teaching, and the REAL American dream (not the selfish thing it has become).  I really get into politics (should that have been written in my "hopelessly flawed" section?), and I have a weakness for anything with 4 legs and fur (uh…3 dogs, 5 cats, 2 sheep...did I mention how much my husband loves me?).  Well, almost anything.  I'm not real crazy about the rats in our ceiling (don't forget, we live in Africa…) I also have a passion for Biblical counseling, and I am slowly-by-slowly (as we say in Kiswahili) working my way to a counseling certificate.  I love Truth, and I love the way that embracing Truth (in the form of the God of all Truth) changes people and sets them free – me included. 

I have a love/hate relationship with Kenya and with being missionaries.  Oooh, is that too brutally honest?  Uh, in reality, don't most people have a love/hate relationship with what they do in life?  The "hate" part mostly comprises of dealing with corruption (read about Roger's arrest in my blog for a sample), malaria, typhoid, brucellosis (that's a new one for me just added this week), and never really having a place that's called "home."  Actually, that's not true.  God continues to teach me that this world is NOT my home – that "I'm just a-passin' through" as an ambassador.  But, that can be difficult from time-to-time. Did I mention I really, really hate Nairobi eye flies?  I also don't like saying "good-bye" all the time to people I come to love and care about, and I really don't like missing my friends and family and church back in the States when I'm here and then missing my friends here when I'm there.  I don't like the way that nothing is the same, including relationship dynamics, when I go back to the States, nor is it the same here when I come back as as it was when I left.

But you want to know something?  I really wouldn't change my life (okay, most of the time, I wouldn't change my life – I do have my moments).  I have been so blessed. That's where the "love" part comes in.  I love that my man and I love one another.  I love that my teen-age daughter, already living away from home, misses her mom and dad and calls us to tell us everything going on in her life at school. I love seeing God work in the lives of my children, revealing Himself to them and changing them – making them see things from a level deeper than I did at their age.  I love that they are growing up seeing how most of the world lives, having friends who are orphans or who are HIV positive, knowing people who live in one or two room mud huts. and  having close relationships with adults from other cultures – even other religions (and I don't just mean denominations).  I love the daily reminder that we have so much to be thankful for.  I even love the gentle rebuking of the Holy Spirit that pricks my conscience and points out my tendency to lack contentment.  I love His gentle embrace around my spirit when I am acutely aware of His closeness.  I love the red dirt roads (though I must admit to "hating" them when they are mud), the cows, sheep, and goats who graze all along the roads (even in Nairobi), the quiet and unhurried pace of living in an agricultural town, knowing a lot of people including shop owners and greeting them by name as I walk or drive through town, the weaver birds making a ruckus as they weave their nests in the tops of the bamboo thicket behind our house, the SHWOOSH of air being moved under the powerful wings of the hornbill as it flies overhead – even the obnoxious cry of the ibis bird that shouts of Africa.  I love that my good missionary friend down the street owns a pet donkey.  I love the people of Kenya (though culturally, they drive me absolutely crazy sometimes – as I must drive them :-) ). I love that I can speak a strange and exotic language like Kiswahili.  I love meeting and getting to know people from all over the world – Norway, Iceland, Switzerland, Austria, England, Pakistan, India, South Korea, Germany, France, Canada, Denmark, Holland, Ireland – just to name the first ones that come off the top of my head.  Oh, wait.  I forgot Alaska and Texas!  Ooops – Alaska is part of the USA isnt' it?  Not so sure about Texas :-).  I love not having to worry about tornadoes during thunderstorms – okay, that was totally random.

So, there it is; all about me.  I hope you enjoy my blog.  Look around, click on the links – there, you will read about the lives of other missionaries here in Kenya.  Well, Piper's not a missionary in Kenya, but click there anyway :-).

Lessons From Rome...

                I have realized one of the reasons I don’t multi-task well.  It isn’t because I can’t do two things at once, it is because I am doing HUNDREDS of things at once all the time!  At least, in my brain.  I don’t know if I ever process things just on a surface level; sometimes I wish I could! But, alas, this is how God made me.  It makes living with me a constant safari into the wilds of the soul.  Just ask Roger…poor guy.

                

               So, Rome was so much fun.  Roger and I had a wonderful week to re-connect and focus on one another as we “bashed around Rome” – to almost quote a movie.  We walked everywhere, close to 7 hours a day.  My feet paid the price for that one as they swelled up to twice their normal size.  Oh well, they’re back to normal now.  At least it made it so I didn’t put on any weight during the whole trip!!!!  Italy has the BEST ice cream!

               

                 But for me, Rome was more than a romantic adventure with my husband (though it was definitely that); it was a study in the finiteness of man despite his seemingly unquenchable drive for earthly significance and immortality.  Everywhere we went, there were monuments raised for heroes of the people: national heroes who conquered foreign lands and peoples, religious heroes who lived to serve the people but are now worshipped as gods – and some religious men who were not heroes at all, but who wanted to be remembered and worshipped as gods though they were merely men.

                

               Two examples of this stand out to me that I would like to share with you. 

                

Inside the Vatican

              On Monday, Roger and I visited the Vatican, St. Peter’s Basilica, and the Sistine Chapel.  Now, all my good Baptist friends are going to say, “Why would you go there?”  But, you can’t really go to Rome and not see something so famous – at least, we can’t.  Let me just say, it was absolutely stunning.  Oh my goodness.  The sculptures, paintings, tapestries…I don’t even have words for their beauty.  The building that is St. Peter’s is magnificent.  Even the ceilings of the Vatican are inordinately beautiful.  Art in various forms by Raphael, Michelangelo, and others adorns every niche and cranny; it is a feast for the eyes – sometimes a gluttonous feast. 

Now, I must say that I at least have a new appreciation for their use of art during those days. Many of the people were illiterate, and so they used the art as a constant visual way of teaching them. But here was my impression. The Vatican is not a monument to God…it is a monument to man; a specific man – the Pope. And in it, the Pope is worshipped as god. It is the palace of a king. It actually reminds me of the old Roman emperors who ruled the kingdom and demanded to be worshipped as a god. That was the culture of the Roman Empire at the time of the writing of the New Testament; it was their default, and they sadly reverted to it with a new twist – a “Christian” twist – during the first couple of centuries after Christ. Did you know the Pope is called the “Vicar of Christ”? Do you know what that means? Vicar means, “in the stead of” or “in the place of”. So, literally, the Pope is considered Christ on earth. He is considered the mediator between God and man. There is a problem, though. The Bible says that there is only ONE mediator between God and man– the man, Christ Jesus (I Timothy 2:5).

The Dome of St. Peter's Basilica

One of Raphael's Rooms - Apartment of one of the Pope's that was painted by Raphael

                Another thing that troubled my soul was the shrine-like atmosphere of all the buildings of worship (I don’t just have this problem in Rome with the Catholic places of worship, by the way…).  It’s as if the early simplicity of the Gospel and of the followers of Jesus themselves being the temple of God         

 was lost in the first couple centuries as the people reverted back to a physical temple mentality which was common to both Judaism and paganism.  Ephesians 2:19-22 says, “Now, therefore, you are no longer strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ Himself being the chief cornerstone,  in whom the whole building, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord, in whom you also are being built together for a dwelling place of God in the Spirit,”   (did you know that early Christians in the Roman Empire were feared and hated as Atheists because they didn’t worship a god who could be seen, they didn’t worship in a visible temple, and they didn’t offer physical sacrifices?).   It was sad, really.  So many people going into temples to do some religious ritual in order to appease God’s wrath and gain some favor in His sight when Jesus has already done all that for them!  Paul said in Galatians 2:16, “knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ, even we (the Jewish apostles) have believed in Christ Jesus, that we might be justified by faith in Christ, and not by the works of the law; for by the works of the law, no flesh shall be justified.”   

               

                Then, on Saturday, our last day in Rome, Roger and I wandered around and stumbled onto some of the ruins of Nero’s palace.  

This area is called Domus Aurea – it was Nero’s famed Golden Palace which he started building after the great fire of 64A.D burned down all the aristocratic dwellings on the same area. It housed his famous revolving dining room which had a ceiling that opened to let in light and that also rained down flower petal and perfume on his dining guests. Estimates put the palace (which was really a landscaped Roman villa complete with orchards and an artificial lake) at roughly one square mile in size! Outside the entrance, Nero had sculpted a gargantuan 100ft bronze statue of himself. This was later moved to just outside the Flavian Amphitheater – which is now known by us as the Colosseum in honor of the Colossus Neronis (the statue) which stood beside it. The palace’s walls and ceilings were covered with marble, ivory, mosaics of precious stone, and beautiful frescoes as well as much gold. It was a palace built for a god; 300 rooms meant solely for entertainment purposes. In it, Nero threw fantastic and morally corrupt parties that lasted 12 hours at a time.

            
                Trouble is, Nero committed suicide 4 years later and within 10 years the palace was stripped of most of its marble, ivory, and precious stones, and the grounds were filled in with dirt so it could be built over.  Within 40 years, the “Golden House” was completely…gone…  Today, you can see only some of the remains.  We were not able to go inside because it has been closed due to the instability of the structure.  

But, there is a children’s playground there where parents sit on benches and watch their children play on slides and swings, and there is a basketball court where young men can play a pick-up game of hoops. 

    Nero – one of the most deranged of the Roman emperors – one of the most bloody persecutors of early Christians – built for himself a great kingdom and made himself out to be god. Where is he now? Where is his Golden Palace? It’s been made into nothing and in fact was wiped out of existence for thousands of years before its crumbling remains were discovered. Nero lived for a short 31 years and was emperor for 14 of them. The Roman empire is now gone. 2000 years later, we are ooh-ing and ahh-ing over its crumbling remains, and though Nero tried to wipe out the Christians of his day, we are all over the world – part of a Kingdom that will never be destroyed. What a very visual reminder that this world and all its kingdoms will pass away. Life is but a vapor; here today and gone tomorrow. Jesus asked this question; “what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul?” Which kingdom am I most concerned about? The kingdom of “me”? Making much of myself and wanting others to do the same? Building a legacy for…me? Leaving my mark of the world? Or living for the Kingdom that will never pass away? The Kingdom of light and love – the Kingdom of Jesus Christ.

               

                In 2000 years, I wonder who will be walking the grounds where the White House used to stand, or the Lincoln Memorial, or the Washington Monument, or the Supreme Court, or the Pentagon…or one of our mega-churches.  Will there even be anything there? In the end, does it even really matter? What lasts forever? Man’s opinions of me? My opinion of me? The world’s opinion of me? What good is it if I feed a starving body but neglect a lost and dying soul? What does it profit if I provide basic necessities to the masses but don’t lead them to the Bread of Life? What have I accomplished if I build my company into a multi-billion dollar success, but don’t teach my children the love of Christ? So what if I go back to school and earn my degree and find myself and fulfill my dreams at the expense of time and energy to disciple my children in the ways of the Cross.  Oh, my kingdom is so insignificant a thing to pour so much of my time and energy and resources into by stressing over the things that won’t matter in 10 years, much less in 2,000 years.  Oh that I would be freed from this compulsion to fret over my kingdom (i.e. what people think of me, making something for myself…of myself…). Let me live to make God’s name big rather than my own.  Let me live for God’s eternal Kingdom that will never pass away!

               

         

Our Life in Kenya

Click here to view these pictures larger

Ministry Update

Roger has written a new ministry update.  Take a look at it on our Ministry page!

Being Real...Confessions of a Missionary Wife

The last couple of weeks have been rough ones for me; there’s been so much on my mind.

1. My oldest daughter Emily is narrowing down college and career choices; which spells out to this mother’s mind, “she’s leaving and life will never be the same.  We may forever live on different continents, on opposite sides of the world.”  We’re also thinking about whether or not she will take a gap year.  If she doesn’t, she will graduate in the middle of next July (please remember, she’s away from us 3 months at a time already)and will not have time to really be at home here with us before we all have to leave to return to the States for the start of college.  It’s a heavy weight on a mom’s shoulders.

2. We’ve been going through culture fatigue.  This is typical for having been back in the country for almost 11 months, but I thought, “well, we did that last time; surely this time it won’t happen.”  It was a nice thought, but a bit unrealistic, I guess.  Bobby Creiglow (a veteran missionary to Brazil) told us his second term was the hardest that way.  Here’s hoping our hardest was our first term.  None-the-less, here we are; in the middle of “culture fatigue.” And it’s not a little thing; it’s big.  It’s really big.

3. Roger and I celebrated 20 years of marriage in March.  We didn’t really celebrate as we had Roger’s mom and dad visiting with us at the time, but…we were so excited because we had been saving money for a while so that we could do something really nice for our anniversary. AND…someone gifted some personal money to us – completely outside the realm of ministry.  So…we made some travel plans for just the two of us.  Roger really wanted to get out of Africa, but we’ve learned that there is NO WHERE easy to get to from here.  We decided to go to…ROME!  We booked our tickets, our hotel, our tourist package, and everything was looking great…until the airline messed us up by cancelling our flight.  Then, when we tried to get things fixed, the airline screwed them up even worse.  Now – 10 days before we’re supposed to leave, it’s still not fixed.  We are frustrated and anxious.  The hotel and tourist packages are non-refundable.  This has been a source of frustration for 2 weeks now as both the travel agent and the airline have been rather unhelpful.

4.  Then, as I tell you that, I (rightly or wrongly) worry that people will think we are being frivolous by making such a trip.  Missionaries aren’t supposed to do things like that.  I feel like I need to explain myself, explain our need for the trip, explain that there’s really no place to go to get out of feeling like you’re in Africa – why we would want to do that in the first place (get out of Africa, that is). Basically, I fight the feeling that I need to justify it to our supporters back in the States. 

5.   I’ve struggled with accepting our new house.  I have a terrible ant problem in the kitchen which doesn’t go away no matter what I do.  There are no trees for the kids to climb.  No swing for them to swing on.  No places for them to go.  No place to buy them new clothes when theirs wear out.  No fun activities for them to participate in.  They, like me, are stuck on our compound day after day, after week, after month.  Yes, we can go to town for…um…well…the Coffee Shop is there, but they’ve raised their prices so high we can’t afford it as much.  Let’s see…um…well, we go to a couple of friends’ houses right here in our neighborhood.  Uh…yup…that’s about it.  Otherwise, we’re pretty much locked in.  Literally. 

6.  Most of the other missionary wives/women around here are involved in Children’s Homes.  I love these ministries.  They are dear to my heart.  I’m so glad I know these incredible women (and men, too J).  But like most “stay-at-home” mom’s, in my heart it gets tough.  We’re here as missionaries, but I, personally, have so little contact with Kenyans.  Yeah, I teach at In-Step once a month, but they’re growing and they won’t always need me.  We get together at prayer meetings and everyone’s talking about their ministries (which they should do) and I often feel so…inconsequential that I come home and cry.  I so WANT to be connected to the culture here.  But when you’re homeschooling full time, well, there’s only so much of me to spread around and still stay sane.

So last night, when I called the airline about our tickets  AGAIN, and AGAIN didn’t get the help I needed, I pretty much lost it.  All the stress from the above list of things coupled with the frustration I knew my husband was feeling about the possibility of losing the money for the trip melded together into a serious blow-out.  Let’s just say I was not quite myself.  Well, really, in all honesty, I was very much myself. Because, after all, the mouth only speaks what comes from the heart.  Don’t you wish sometimes you could get away from that truth? We try.  We say, “I didn’t really mean it…” but God tells us we really do.  Yikes.  This is me under pressure.  Yes, a lot of pressure, but me none-the-less.  That’s not a pretty truth, but only the TRUTH can set me free J.

So, needless to say, I’ve been battling some serious depression the last, oh, 3 months or so.  It’s taken a measure of grace to get out of bed in the morning, put one foot in front of the other, faithfully home school my kids, counsel my older daughter when she calls, encourage the people around me who need encouraging, minister to the hurting.  But God’s grace is incredible.  And today, it re-taught me something.

It’s easy to live defeated, and its right where Satan wants us!  Because, you see, when I’m so focused on me and my problems, I’m not able to function as I should in the family of God.  You know how, in a marriage, if only one partner is struggling it’s not so bad because the one not struggling can uplift the one who is struggling?  Well, what happens when they’re both struggling?  No one can lift up the other person.  During those times, it takes the grace of God, and forgiveness and commitment from both partners to work their way through the storm.  It’s really hard.  Well, it’s that way in God’s family, too. It’s that way in a church; it’s that way in a missionary community.

Satan loves to have us all discouraged, because when we’re not holding one another up, it’s easier to defeat us and destroy our testimony in the community.  Several of the missionary families here have really been struggling in one way or another recently.  It’s so easy to focus on myself and then not help to carry the burdens of others, but if we do that, our unity will dissolve, our love for one another will suffer, and then our witness in the community will suffer.  Jesus said, “they will know you are mine because of your love for the brethren.” Why?  Because such love is super-natural.   Love that can see past itself and focus on others in need is not a love that comes naturally.  It is a love that has learned to entrust itself to God hands – trusting Him to do right and good no matter what – so that it can love others with the love that He has given them.   This is a love that doesn’t look out for “number one” first and foremost because it knows that (well, first of all it’s not “number one”) God is giving it all the love it needs.  This is a love that, though it may feel like it’s running on empty, knows that in reality, it is filled with the fullness of God!

 It’s easy to blame Satan, or others, or our circumstances, or our pasts, but we are also responsible.  We are responsible because God tells us that we have hope!  He tells us we have unlimited spiritual resources!  He tells us that we don’t have to live defeated lives – even when we are down-cast.  He even tells us that our strength is in the precious promises that He has given us through Jesus Christ and His work for us on the cross.  The problem is two-fold. First, we may not be in the Word, or in community enough to know what those precious promises are.  Second,  we don’t always really believe them.  That’s not Satan’s fault, it’s ours. We’re responsible.  My biggest problem isn’t the list of six things I’ve delineated (or the many things I could have listed but didn’t); my biggest problem is that I deal with those six things in a heart of unbelief.  And when I don’t believe, I don’t reach for grace.  Sometimes, I don’t even really want to reach for grace, and I’m rather like a little child throwing a terrible temper-tantrum in the grocery store because Mommy didn’t buy me a lolli-pop.

I don’t want to be that little child. Paul said, “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”  The greatest of these is love; love for God; love for the brethren; love for the lost; love for my husband; love for my children; love for the widows; love for the orphans.

I don’t want to work for a kingdom of one.  Uh, that would be me – that “one”.  There’s a Kingdom out there that’s so much bigger – so much grander – so much…MORE!  And I get to be a part of it! 

God, give me eyes to see the big picture!  That doesn’t mean my details don’t hurt, or that You don’t care about my details.  You do!  The very fact that You do care enables me to entrust them to You, which in turn enables me to not focus on myself but rather to focus on Your Kingdom!!  Your people!!  It enables me to get beyond myself by allowing Your love to flow through me and out of me to those who need it.  God, help me remember that I am not a one “woman” show, but a part of something so much bigger than myself!  John the Baptist said, “I must decrease and He must increase.”  Decrease the ME in my focus, Jesus! Increase the JESUS!!  Be lifted high in my life, oh God!  Help me count all things as excrement!  Yes, excrement is what the scriptures say – bloody menstrual rags – in comparison to the knowledge of You!   Give me more of You, so that I can give more of You.  In the name of Jesus.

But in the process, Lord…would you please work out my ticket situation? J